oxford street blues

Paul and I had a funny conversation about how a big night out always starts with reasonable fun dance moves, but the more drinks consumed, the more experimental the moves get. Finally, the dancer has reached that point where they are going so mental and flailing about that everyone in the room is staring and the performer has no idea. Well, if they do, they don’t care – because they’re having the best time of their life and they’re too drunk to know how stupid they look.

I am this person. I suffer from experimental drunk dance off syndrome. There I’ve admitted it. Now I can begin my detox. Earlier nights, smaller than high leg kicks replaced by modest finger snapping. I’m working on it.

 

Unfortunately, this city has already been violated by my dance-a-thon wrath. I have been drunk since June and gracing every dance party with a wild sweaty rage. I’ve been having a lot of fun letting the oxford street blues consume me entirely, but I think I’ve finally gotten all of the partying out of my system. I supposed the bender comes with a break up from a 3 year relationship. I’m telling myself that it’s completely normal and I really believe that.

The past two weeks have been a detox and I’m ready for that change. I’m still a social monster and there is plenty of red wine hovering about, but I’ve been home by 12 on weekends and spending more time finding inner peace rather than expelling inner dance moves.

 

 

It’s easy to let alcohol smothered nights consume us. It’s exciting to meet new people or just go to the same places and wonder if something interesting will happen with the regular people. But then it gets to that point where I miss myself and time I want to spend in my own head rather than share my time with everyone else.

 

After work runs and art cult movies have been the new bender. I’ve got some great books to curl up with and a few creative expeditions I need to embark on. A road trip is in the making and a metal repair plan in action. I am feeling like life is always changing and I appreciate all of the unexpected challenges and opportunities it has to offer. I feel fortunate that my mind is healthy – or maybe idealistically disillusioned, but I’m happy to be in my head even if it is wearing rose coloured glasses.

 

 

Game On

Well, Obviously I’ve been insanely lazy about updating my site, but to be honest the past few weeks haven’t offered any news too blog worthy. Or maybe that’s just an excuse for my lack of motivation.

Well as far as news goes I am currently unemployed. On Friday May 16th my boring temp. job finally realized they were paying me to sit on my ass and told me they didn’t need my help any more (hmm…I don’t think you needed it to begin with guys, but it’s your money and it was coming my way, so I can’t complain) I found it rude that they didn’t give me any notice and just said, “you can go home now,” but it was really a blessing. I needed to get the hell out of there.

I left the job around 1pm to meet Nikki at my place for lunch. I was a little worried about cash but decided to block that thought from my mind since I was about to embark on a nerd-tastic roadtrip around New Zealands south island with some rockin’ babes (and Mikey). Nicole drove Mikey and I to the airport like the good kid she is, always doing everyone favors. We flew Jetstar and round trip the tickets were only $400 each Sydney to Christchurch, pretty good deal. We arrived around 1030pm NZ time after an effortless 3 hour flight. Katie and Kelly were meant to pick us up at baggage claim, but when we didn’t see them anywhere in the tiny airport we figured they were either too drunk or too jet lagged. We rang Kate from a pay phone (our phones didn’t work) and it turns out they were both hungover and jet lagged and had been in bed since about 7pm. Fair enough. She told us they were at the Jailhouse Hostel which seemed appropriate since it reminded me of “Jailbreak” and Thin Lizzy always reminds me of Newtown, Ct. We asked the info desk how to get there and the guy at the desk told us how to catch the shuttle bus into the city. We were the only ones on the bus and the driver took us to the main square in Christchurch where the Cathedral is the main landmark. From there he told us to catch bus #7 which came about 5 minutes later and dropped us at the Jailhouse front door. All the NZ locals had been so hospitable, we were in a bit of shock since we’re so used to traveling to non-English speaking countries where the general population of locals is rude to us since we can’t understand a word they say to us and vice versa. It was a nice welcoming and NZ already had a comforting feeling about it.

The best part of the welcoming was seeing Kate waiting up for us at reception! She had gotten out of bed when we called to let us in since the front desk had closed up for the night. She showed us to the room she’d booked Mikey and I. We unloaded and then sat in the common room and caught up for a while about news back home and what we were up to in Sydney. after a while Kate needed to catch up on sleep and joined Kelly in their room next to ours.

In the Morning the girls woke us up about 10am (they always got up first, the whole trip). Mikey and I paid the cheerful receptionist for our room, we all took dorky “jail” photos and set out for some breakfast.

We walked into the town center (about 20 min walk) and found a cute cafe called The Daily Grind with all day breakfast on weekends. The cafe was okay, but I don’t recommend it for vegans. My sandwich consisted of 2 plain pieced of multi-grain bread (dry) with dry, pretty much raw veggies inside. It was so dumb. They did have a veggie burger but the chicks behind the counter didn’t know what it was made of and i didn’t feel like taking the vegan challenge.

After lounging in the cafe a while, we walked one of the few craft markets behind the Dux de Lux pub. We wanted to buy some presents for friends and fam but everything was pretty expensive (I was thinking on a unemployed pocket). So instead we decided to spend our cash on booze at the pub. We were the only ones in the pub (i guess we start early) but it was a lot of fun anyways. We played some pool and danced like nerds to the Bowie and Lou Reed tunes on the jukebox. I had an Indian samosa to make up for my shitty breakfast, we took pictures with a statue that reminded us of Legends of the Hidden Temple, laughed more often than we spoke (usually at something Kate did or said) and then walked back towards the 1st cafe in search of somewhere else to annoy people. We tried to talk to a little-ish boy playing Star Wars on his trumpet, but he hated us or was too awkward and mid teen to hang.

We ended up walking back to the hostel the long way. It took about an hour and Mikey was so pissed about it. After a few homemade drinks, we went out in search of “The Mexican Cafe”. The service was pretty rubbish, it took ages to get our food and the staff all seemed like they were straight out of “The Fast and the Furious” – too much hair gel and overly flirtatious with each other. The food was good once it came, but it is pretty hard to mess up a burrito. We ate til we were so full we could spew.

Next we decided to look for “The Media Club” which was having an Ian Curtis tribute show ( we read it in the free to do zine we’d found at the pub). Unfortunately, it was just a hall, like a VFW or something with a slide show of about 10 Joy Division photos on repeat, The Joy Division album on repeat, and a creepy goth/techno lights/fog machine joy division dance party in the next room. There were so many cape wearing, eyeliner vampires drinking beer and playing pool, I was nervous I’d catch the goth if I stood too close (been there, done that….I thought that was what highschool was for, no?) At least the night was only a gold coin donation entry and all the profits went towards suicide prevention, although that seemed ironic considering the “I hate life” crowd turn out…but who am I to judge. Maybe they were happy Marilyn Manson look alikes. We caught a cab home without even finishing our drinks and crashed out so we’d be ready for our next day’s adventure to Queenstown.

Takin’ it from the man…again.

My plan to avoid the working life has failed. It’s not that I’m lazy, but everything I like doing is unpaid. So now I’m in this office doing nothing and getting paid quite well for it. Perhaps this is my destiny, to sit in an office and be the smiley receptionist typing frantically at her computer even though she hasn’t been assigned any work. Maybe they think I’ve found some work to type up, but really I’m just ranting away. Hmm. No fooling? < you have to hear the way Frank Zappa says that to understand. So i guess it’s an inside joke with myself.

 Yesterday life after work was a ben stiller movie – dumb stressful crap kept happening on the way back to the burbs. Mikey and I took 2 wrong trains which means we took 4 all together. it just went down hill from there. things like losing the car keys and getting lost once in the car were all part of it. Luckily we had a nice dinner waiting for us back at home – we listened to some bob dylan records and had an early night.

Today I am moving into my friend’s studio apartment in Kings Cross. It will only be a 15 min walk to work rather than an hour on a stinky crowded train. So I can sleep longer and cuddle Minx, the fuzzy grey kitten that lives there. She always wears MC Hammer pants and always pees in the bath tub – it’s too cute. I think Jackie and Bill Conway would love Minx if they met her.

It is absolutely insane how little I do at this job. I have done about 20 min worth of work since 9am and it’s now 12:30. WHAT! They have to give me letter (pre-written) to type up, that’s really my only job as the Admin. Assistant here at Art Exhibitions Australia. So if they don’t give me anything, I don’t have anything to do. Oh and I also get to go for a 30 min walk every morning to the post office. Quite nice, really. It’s been beach weather ever since Monday when I started this job. Figures. I had a few cloudyish cool days until i start work, and magically it’s the hottest days of summer. Real funny, stupid atmosphere.

Does anyone else find it slightly unnerving that we sell and consume everything and anything? I was thinking about this when I cut through Circular Quay (where the opera house is) to the post office. There are always a group of Aboriginals with their religious face & body paint on. They play music and do traditional Aboriginal dances while the tourists watch and throw coins their way. The more I thought about it, it became a strange concept to me that those dances and songs meant something so different to them before Australia was westernized. They were what they celebrated with and believed in. They started as spiritual songs and dances and have ended as a theatrical money making act. I mean, good for them, making some cash, but in a society where we are all forced to work for a living they can either get a crap office job like mine, or hang out in the sun, entertaining tourists with things they used to believe in, or maybe still do. hm. I need to think about this more to come up with a concise decision on where i stand. right now I haven’t got much of an opinion.

Actually, as I sit here typing this thought out it all seems less strange to me. To put it in perspective, most performers are generally very passionate about their art, or at least believe in what they do quite strongly – so why not perform with religious and tradional dance and song? Any street preformer would probably say they believe what they are doing is an important form of art. Is there a fine line between art performance and exploiting religious beliefs in this specific situation? Hm. Anyways, I just found it an interesting thought. Enlighten me if you have an opinion on the matter. For now, Kirk Out. (my highschool art teacher, Kirk Paulson, signs all his emails like that. He’s the best dude ever).

Ween at The Enmore Theatre

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My second but hopefully not final chance to see Ween perform live was this past Saturday, March 2nd. They really know how to put on one of the best rock shows ever. First of all,  they didn’t bother with an opening band. If I were a musician that played sold out shows, I wouldn’t put fans through an opening band either. Instead, the ledgends of goofy genius just played a 3 hour set that absolutely blew my mind. It makes so much more sense to do it that way. If there had been an opening act, I would have stood in the front row for about an hour waiting for ween to grace me with Rock and they would have had less time to play. This way i was granted my money’s worth and my time went unwasted.   picture-040.jpg picture-051.jpg          

I dance for the entire 3 hours with out even stopping for a drink or a piss. They played songs mainly from my 2 favorite albums, The Mollusk and Chocolate & Cheese and the rest were from the newest album, La Cucaracha, which is almost as amazing as the other two. The jam sessions were exciting, not too long, and perfectly entertaining. Guitarist, Micky’s faces were hilarious as usual and they shredded the song “fluffy” for about 10 minutes leaving everyones mouths wide open, drooling over the talented insanity flooding the stage. I don’t think I looked away from the stage once. Okay, well maybe once when some stinky, drunk asshole moved in front of me and started screaming out requests, but security came to the rescue and removed him promptly enough. I have to say, Ween has got to be one of the best American bands still making music. Thankfully they’ve still got their wit and creativity or I might be temped to doubt the music scene along with other rock critics.

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Another reason I am still optomistic for the future of music is because I have beautifully talented friends who make better music than most “muscians” who are played on any TV or any radio station. If you want proof of that, look out for tunes from Danly & Justin, Home MoviesTim & Isabella and Guilty Faces. These guys and gals are just a few of the talented bunch and they all friends on the Berfest myspace. Check them all out.                          

Someday I’ll own a newspaper full of only good news

I found some dumb and comical articles in the Australian News today while I was frantically searching for a hilarious report about this family banned from McDonalds somewhere in Victoria. I couldn’t find anything about the piece on-line, but basically it went something like this: A family (need I say they’re on the larger side?) was banned from their local McDonald’s when they advised the girl at the drive through window that she had overcharged them 40 cents. The two customers in the car were a father son team. The son had once worked at that very McDonald’s, but had quit when he and the manager argued over his schedule.

So the father says, “Hey, sorry, but you over charged me 40 cents.” and the girl at the window must have gone to get the manager, probably because she couldn’t issue refunds or something stupid like that. So the manager takes a look into the car and sees the son whom he once had a minor disagreement with and mumbles something like, “oh no, not you again.” And then the chaos begins. An argument is born and the family is banned from the local Micky D’s.

The whole news report went on for about 10 minutes with clips of the father and son saying they were outraged that it had come this far and couldn’t believe they weren’t aloud back to their favorite restaurant.

 The best part of it all was a clip of the Mom driving into the same drive through with her trouble making son in the passenger seat. She tries to order some type of Big Mac nonsense and the employee says, “I’m sorry mam I cannot serve your family.” The mom was furious. “You’re not serving him! Just serve me!”

The dad couldn’t stop pointing out the fact that Mackers is a “family restaurant” and he can’t even take his family there. He was saying it in a tone that implied, “If a man can’t take his family to McDonald’s than where else? Where will they eat? What is this world coming to?”

Is there not another McDonald’s on the other side of town? Or a burger king? FYI, they are all the same. Fat turds.

So I failed to find an official version of my hilarious McDonald’s story, but I did find a few other dumb news clips on ABC. Check these out:

‘Girl’ at school was 39-year-old man

A Japanese man was arrested for trespassing this week after turning up at a high school dressed in a girl’s uniform and a long wig, local police said.

Thirty-nine-year-old Tetsunori Nanpei told police he had bought the uniform over the internet and put it on to take a stroll near the school in Saitama, north of Tokyo, on Wednesday, the daily Asahi Shimbun said.

When students standing outside the gates started to scream at the sight of him, he dashed inside the school grounds, hoping to blend in with the crowds of teenagers, the paper said.

They also screamed, forcing the man to flee, losing his wig in the process. A school clerk pursued him and stopped him at a nearby riverbank, the paper said.

Police confirmed the arrest of the man in school uniform and wig but declined to give further details. 

Who the fuck would think that would work? I want to meet this guy. Do you think it was Rad Rob?

All I could think of when I read this next article was that Michael Moore movie all about crime in America and how Canada is soooo safe. Granted this story is funny, drunk driving is not safe. C’mon Canada.

Drunk driver parks at police station

Posted Sat Feb 23, 2008 2:15am AEDT

Police in the western Canadian town of Wetaskiwin did not have to do much work when they arrested a drunk driver at the weekend – he had parked his car next to their offices and wandered inside.

Police discovered the man as they drove by early on Saturday morning to respond to an unrelated call.

Although the police office was locked, the lobby was open.

“There was a vehicle parked about 10 feet outside our front door. The gentleman had walked into the front lobby and he was displaying many indications of being intoxicated,” Constable Mark Scheck said.

“So at that point we did take him into custody … it’s pretty unusual.”

The 28-year-old man has been charged with impaired driving.

what an asshole.

check out the original site so you know i didn’t just make this up.