Someday I’ll own a newspaper full of only good news

I found some dumb and comical articles in the Australian News today while I was frantically searching for a hilarious report about this family banned from McDonalds somewhere in Victoria. I couldn’t find anything about the piece on-line, but basically it went something like this: A family (need I say they’re on the larger side?) was banned from their local McDonald’s when they advised the girl at the drive through window that she had overcharged them 40 cents. The two customers in the car were a father son team. The son had once worked at that very McDonald’s, but had quit when he and the manager argued over his schedule.

So the father says, “Hey, sorry, but you over charged me 40 cents.” and the girl at the window must have gone to get the manager, probably because she couldn’t issue refunds or something stupid like that. So the manager takes a look into the car and sees the son whom he once had a minor disagreement with and mumbles something like, “oh no, not you again.” And then the chaos begins. An argument is born and the family is banned from the local Micky D’s.

The whole news report went on for about 10 minutes with clips of the father and son saying they were outraged that it had come this far and couldn’t believe they weren’t aloud back to their favorite restaurant.

 The best part of it all was a clip of the Mom driving into the same drive through with her trouble making son in the passenger seat. She tries to order some type of Big Mac nonsense and the employee says, “I’m sorry mam I cannot serve your family.” The mom was furious. “You’re not serving him! Just serve me!”

The dad couldn’t stop pointing out the fact that Mackers is a “family restaurant” and he can’t even take his family there. He was saying it in a tone that implied, “If a man can’t take his family to McDonald’s than where else? Where will they eat? What is this world coming to?”

Is there not another McDonald’s on the other side of town? Or a burger king? FYI, they are all the same. Fat turds.

So I failed to find an official version of my hilarious McDonald’s story, but I did find a few other dumb news clips on ABC. Check these out:

‘Girl’ at school was 39-year-old man

A Japanese man was arrested for trespassing this week after turning up at a high school dressed in a girl’s uniform and a long wig, local police said.

Thirty-nine-year-old Tetsunori Nanpei told police he had bought the uniform over the internet and put it on to take a stroll near the school in Saitama, north of Tokyo, on Wednesday, the daily Asahi Shimbun said.

When students standing outside the gates started to scream at the sight of him, he dashed inside the school grounds, hoping to blend in with the crowds of teenagers, the paper said.

They also screamed, forcing the man to flee, losing his wig in the process. A school clerk pursued him and stopped him at a nearby riverbank, the paper said.

Police confirmed the arrest of the man in school uniform and wig but declined to give further details. 

Who the fuck would think that would work? I want to meet this guy. Do you think it was Rad Rob?

All I could think of when I read this next article was that Michael Moore movie all about crime in America and how Canada is soooo safe. Granted this story is funny, drunk driving is not safe. C’mon Canada.

Drunk driver parks at police station

Posted Sat Feb 23, 2008 2:15am AEDT

Police in the western Canadian town of Wetaskiwin did not have to do much work when they arrested a drunk driver at the weekend – he had parked his car next to their offices and wandered inside.

Police discovered the man as they drove by early on Saturday morning to respond to an unrelated call.

Although the police office was locked, the lobby was open.

“There was a vehicle parked about 10 feet outside our front door. The gentleman had walked into the front lobby and he was displaying many indications of being intoxicated,” Constable Mark Scheck said.

“So at that point we did take him into custody … it’s pretty unusual.”

The 28-year-old man has been charged with impaired driving.

what an asshole.

check out the original site so you know i didn’t just make this up.

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