nine and five

As I sit here, twisting in my blue, swivel chair, trying not to pee my pants – the toilet is on the other side of the embarrassingly quite office and I’ve already gone about 10 times – I am trying to day dream about all the things I will be doing with my life when this 9-5 office job ends. I can’t though. Day dreams are blocked the way most interesting websites on this company computer are. All I can think about is how sacred I am that this is it. That for the rest of my life I will be forced to stare at a computer screen until I feel drunk with PDF files and excel spreadsheets. Although, I of course am not being “forced” to do anything. I could pull a Mr. Butch and just chill on the streets. He always seemed like he was having the time of his life – purposely avoiding the system and taking a shit on “the man”- he lived off of booze and music. The Mayor, we lovingly called him in the town of Allston. He knew what made him happy and it certainly wasn’t the security of a full time office job.

 I think I share some of Mr Butch’s point of views on life, but unfortunately I can’t escape the material comforts of life. I like grocery shopping at health food stores and blowing my money on junk resembling vintage boots and lattes. I like showers in the morning and decorating the apartments I’m so often moving in and out of due to frequent travelling, yet another luxury I enjoy. So I work. I submit myself to lengthy time consuming meetings at temp agencies, taking Microsoft tests to check that I have the proper skills necessary to enter random numbers into a program that doesn’t even allow mistakes –but instead offers a loud, offensive buzzing noise informing co-workers that I’ve fallen asleep with my eyes open at the computer. I spend money on “casual business attire” that I don’t want to wear so I look “professional” at an interview for a job that I don’t really want. Well I have the job now and I’m too dependant on a weekly pay check to back out until I’ve saved enough to get the hell out of here and see the world, and by world I mean eastern Europe, but someday ill hopefully have seen the whole world.

I’m not sure what is that drives me to travel. I don’t know if I’m afraid of comfort as much as I long for it and maybe it makes me uneasy when I get too comfortable. I’m searching for something; a lifestyle, a career, a person or myself. I have to find one of those things once I’ve seen the entire world, it has to be somewhere…in Africa maybe. I do feel some strange passion for Africa although I’ve never been. Morocco is so close to Spain that I think I can make it there before heading back to the states for Christmas. Egypt, Kenya and South Africa sound amazingly beautiful and a bit scary too. I think I’m going to puke. Not from Africa but from this green tea I just drank. Every time I drink green tea in this office I feel sick….but no where else. I’m allergic to tea at work. Or just work in general I guess. I’m avoiding doing work right now, my boss is out sick and hasn’t left me with anything to do and everyone in this office knows it so they said when I run out of work to tell them so they can give me more. This one guy, Guy is his name actually, he has some “archiving” for me to do, whatever the hell that is it sounds painfully head over to his desk in a bit when there isn’t much of the day left to work. I think I have to get back to doing things so that I look busy for a second before this guy behind me notices! Blah! I hate this!