oxford street blues

Paul and I had a funny conversation about how a big night out always starts with reasonable fun dance moves, but the more drinks consumed, the more experimental the moves get. Finally, the dancer has reached that point where they are going so mental and flailing about that everyone in the room is staring and the performer has no idea. Well, if they do, they don’t care – because they’re having the best time of their life and they’re too drunk to know how stupid they look.

 

I am this person. I suffer from experimental drunk dance off syndrome. There I’ve admitted it. Now I can begin my detox. Earlier nights, smaller than high leg kicks replaced by modest finger snapping. I’m working on it.

 

Unfortuantely, this city has already been violated by my dance-a-thon wrath. I have been drunk since June and gracing every dance party with a wild sweaty rage. I’ve been having a lot of fun letting the oxford street blues consume me entirely, but I think I’ve finally gotten all of the partying out of my system. I supposed the bender comes with a break up from a 3 year relationship. I’m telling myself that it’s completely normal and I really believe that.

 

The past two weeks have been a detox and I’m ready for that change. I’m still a social monster and there is plenty of red wine hovering about, but I’ve been home by 12 on weekends and spending more time finding inner peace rather than expelling inner dance moves.

 

 

It’s easy to let alcohol smothered nights consume us. It’s exciting to meet new people or just go to the same places and wonder if something interesting will happen with the regular people. But then it gets to that point where I miss myself and time I want to spend in my own head rather than share my time with everyone else.

 

After work runs and art cult movies have been the new bender. I’ve got some great books to curl up with and a few creative expeditions I need to embark on. A road trip is in the making and a metal repair plan in action. I am feeling like life is always changing and I appreciate all of the unexpected challenges and opportunities it has to offer. I feel fortunate that my mind is healthy – or maybe idealistically disillusioned, but I’m happy to be in my head even if it is wearing rose coloured glasses.  

 

Christchurch, Queensland, Wanaka, Franz Joseph NZ

Sunday 05/18/08

We woke up, showered and checked out of the jailhouse bright and early. Kelly drove 1st which made me nervous at 1st since we weren’t used to the left side of the road, but she did surprisingly well. We stopped at an over price grocery store (eeverything in the Southern Hemisphere is overpriced p.s), bought some essentials, checked the road map, and made our way north to Queenstown. With our ipods handy and Tom Petty on the speakers, we were unstopable and opptomistic about our grand adventure. We found 1North and about 2 songs later we already found our 1st mission.

A hitchhiker.

Kate and i screamed from the back seat, “Pick him up! lets do it!” Without hesitation kelly did a dirt clouding U-turn and the ipod flew accross the car – we were all screaming and laughing in our excited girlie way (i think mikey was just scared). We pulled over, let him in the back next to katie and said “where to?”

He was heading to a small town only about an hour away in the direction we were heading. He assured us that NZ is the safest place in the world to hitch and every one does it. We later learned that this was the absoute truth. He had a familar face, simialr to Josh’s and was 22. His name was Teejay – but when he spelled it out “T- double E J-A-Y” katie thought he said T-W J-A-Y and blurted out “Tweejay? HA!” I had to explain to her that aussies and kiwis say “double” when there are 2 letters or numbers next to each other and we all made fun of her. From that moment on, we called him Tweejay in a semi retarded voice whenever we spoke about him, and maybe even to him, i cant remember.

His story was that he had gone to Christchurch for the night with friends, but got arrested for drinking outside and was put in jail for the night since he was too drunk to just get a fine and fill out paperwork or something. His friends had to get back home so he told them to go and he’d hitch home. He smelled pretty bad (but not as bad as kelly and katie said he did!) and he talked about things like, “thats a cop car, dont speed by those.” or “do you guys smoke pot?” he did tell us a few cool places we should check out and some roads with nicer landscapes than ones we’d planned on using – info only a local could tell so that was helpful.

We pulled into a small suburb for coffee, stamps, and gift shop supplies. We went to a cafe called Kelly’s, sat outside with our drinks and made pb&j sammys. Well, kelly ate her left over mexican and TJ didnt eat at all. Probably too hung over. He mentioned something about riding all the way to Queenstown with us, but we were already over the novelty of a hitchhiker and didnt really want to hang out with him all that time. We needed a plan and i was nominated to devise and execute it (wimps).

With mikey driving and the girls in the back with Tweejay we rocked out to Queen blasting on the speakers. Katie passed me a note. Confused, i started to read it out loud until katie screamed her highy pitch wail and kelly kicked/smacked me in the head so hard – im not realy sure what it was but it was a sudden slash to the head and i realized the note was about Teejay. It said “we think he pooped his pants – get him out! <3 the girls in the back.” I started laughing so hard and tried to make a cover like it was about something else that we were hiding from Mikey, which made mikey want to know what it said and in turn made us laugh harder. Soon we pulled into a gas station to pee and i told the girls i would talk to Tweejay and say we wanted to stretch out in the back& nap so we’d rather drop him off in his home town (Tenaeu, i think it was called). We really didnt want to take him 6 hrs north with us. I thought it seemed like a good excuse. We got into his town and he told us where to drop him off and how to get back to the main road. He was a really nice kid, but just smelly and seemed bummed to get the boot. Oh well.

Mikey continued driving all the way to Queenstown. We pulled over every so often to take photos of the beautiful scenery; the mts, water, farms – everything was amazing. One place where we pulled over I slipped in some mud and my whole ass looked like i shit myself. About 30 seconds later my entire left hand and arm numbed up and had these weird red dots all over my skin. I freaked out for a minute, but tried not to panic too much. I didn’t feel anything when I fell over, like a plant sticking into me or anything, but it looked like i had a bunch of stingers stabed into where all the red dots were. It was freaky, but i just ignored the whole thing, changed into new pants, and hopped into the car.

In a few hours we arrived and decided to stay in a hostel called Southern Laughter. Mikey & I were in a 6 bed dorm and the girls in a 4 bed. We booked 2 nights and made soup for dinner. Kelly was tired and not feeling well – she was car sick the whole ride and it took its toll on her. She went striaght to bed, but mikey, kate and i went to a shitty bro-dude bar accross from the YHA on the main strip. We had a drink, listened to some alright tunes and decided to go back and get sleep for lack of anything else to do. One of our beds was wet for some weird reason, so mikey and i slept in the same one & got an awful nights sleep.

Monday 05/19/08

The next morning the girls woke us up about 9:30 and we showered and met them back in their room. By the time we made it down there, they were shitting them selves laughing because katie had walked outside and straight into an open window that was sticking out onto the balcony (really dangerous window actually). She cut her lip open and they had taken all these gross bloody photos. We wrote some postcards and booked ourselves a horse back riding session at reception. We had some time to spare before our horse adventure and walked into town. I bought a journal for $2.50 and decided to get a late start documenting our adventures. We took nerdy photos and caused a bit of trouble. I took my car turn and drove us to Glenorchy where we were all assigned to a horse and taught the very basics of how to ride one.

My horse’s name was Winston and he was the wild one of the group. He kept trying to run off and ditch the pack! Our guides told me to be stern with him and yell at him while pulling his harness quickly to stop. I was scared at 1st that i had the crazy horse, but i felt safe after i got him under control and the two guides told me i did really well & to stay confident so old Winnie would listen to me. (Winnie the poo – he took craps every 5 minutes). We learned to gallop but it was pretty hard to do so we mostly walked through some of the most beautiful scenery I’d ever seen. The lands had been filmed for Lord of the Rings which made Kelly happy – nerd! The girl who lead us was really nice and from NJ. The whole experiance was so serene and felt so unreal. It’s too hard to explain what it’s like to be so awed by the nature aournd you while riding a damn beatuful horse. so cool!

We drove back to our hostel and made pasta. We started drinking but had eaten so much we never felt the alcohol at all. The girls met a german guy, Richard Helmut Barth, who was staying in their room. He seemed serious, but fun. He came in the hot tub with us while mikey met a Czech guy named Joseph back in our room. Once we were all dressed we joined forces and went to a pub and played some pool until it closed. Then we went to another crappy bro dude bar for 2 for 1 drinks. We danced like assholes and even got Richard to dance (he said he hates dancing). We left that bar at 12:30 for a new 2 for 1 bar – had one more drink and decided Queentown is obvuously not known for its night life so we all walked home and said our goodnights. It was certainly an interesting evening, and we made quite the impression on our German/Czech friends.

Tuesday 5/20/08

In the morning we checked out – the girls and i did some grocery shopping and found a bead store to make necklaces. Mikey slept in the car like a boring turd. He didnt like Queenstow and was grumpy most of the time we were there. We met up with him a while later and headed towards Wanaka, where we thought we could do some scenic hiking. When we arrived at the hostel, Kelly was instantly in crush mode with Cambell, one kid living at the hostel. He was no doubt, a babe, but i didn’t think he seemed very friendly.

We grabbed a few drinks at an old pub and played pool by the fire place. Eventually we went back to the room and chatted over vodka drinks that mikey and i had bought in customs. (We bought 2 handles, but at the jail house mikey pured one down the sink thinking it was water in the middle of the night. I was so bummed). After sitting in the room, lots of giggles and stories of home, we decided we should try to go out and socialize. We had one drink at an overpriced bar and kelly spotted cambell and re confirmed her crush. We went home, Kelly and mikey were already drunk, but bought more beer anyways. Kelly needed the confidence. Katie and i hung out briefly in the common room while kelly & mikey attempted conversation with Cambell and his boys – but they were the lamest and so rude. Katie and i went to bed and mikey followed shortly after. Kelly stayed to see if the guys started to turn cool or something. Then she came back and made katie go out there and ask the guys if they thought her friend (kelly) was cute. I felt like we were 12 but it was pretty funny. They said ‘yeah why?’ and kate just replied, “no reason” and retunred with the results. Kelly acted like she’d forgotton something in the living room and got stuck chatting with the dudes that were not Cambell, but got out of it by telling them she knew how to use numb chucks. She showed them and under the leg move and then said, “my friend does it to” and said she would go get her and the numb chucks to show them how it’s done. Then she just went to bed with no return. HAHAHA best excuse to get out of a conversation ever!

Wednesday 05/21/08

We checked out and had breakfast at a natural food cafe accross the road. I had an amazing scrambled tofu and was so psyched about it. We started on our journey to Franz Joseph where we wanted to sky dive and glacier climb. We made the mistake of letting katie behind the wheel and drove around town for a while before finding our way out. It was hilarous – shes so mental. She drove into drive ways, took U turns, dead ends and we all laughed at her idiot ways, but calm nature thoughout the whole rucus. We finally found the road and made our way North towards the Glaciers. Mikey and kelly slept off their hangovers and just before fox glacier, kate and i did a quick walk to a swing bridge on this hidden rainforest trail. There were beatuiful blue pools and the swing bridge was pretty scary to walk accross, but we were bad ass about it. We yook self timer photos and laughed about asking people walking towards us on the trail, “is it worth it?”so easily amused. We walked back to the car after the giggle fest and continued the ride north. We stopped a few more times to take photos of water falls and beautiful rainforest scenery. Kelly drove the rest of the way once we’d stopped for snacks and photos so she wouldnt barf.

We arrive din Franz Joseph around 5ish and checked into the Rainforest Hotel. We had our own room with a bathroom for all 4 of us which was nice. Mikey and kelly had a pub meal while katie and i cooked Indian curry. We just hung out, wrote a bit and had some good bed time chatting. It was an early night, but we needed it for the nonsense to come.

Game On

Well, Obviously I’ve been insanely lazy about updating my site, but to be honest the past few weeks haven’t offered any news too blog worthy. Or maybe that’s just an excuse for my lack of motivation.

Well as far as news goes I am currently unemployed. On Friday May 16th my boring temp. job finally realized they were paying me to sit on my ass and told me they didn’t need my help any more (hmm…I don’t think you needed it to begin with guys, but it’s your money and it was coming my way, so I can’t complain) I found it rude that they didn’t give me any notice and just said, “you can go home now,” but it was really a blessing. I needed to get the hell out of there.

I left the job around 1pm to meet Nikki at my place for lunch. I was a little worried about cash but decided to block that thought from my mind since I was about to embark on a nerd-tastic roadtrip around New Zealands south island with some rockin’ babes (and Mikey). Nicole drove Mikey and I to the airport like the good kid she is, always doing everyone favors. We flew Jetstar and round trip the tickets were only $400 each Sydney to Christchurch, pretty good deal. We arrived around 1030pm NZ time after an effortless 3 hour flight. Katie and Kelly were meant to pick us up at baggage claim, but when we didn’t see them anywhere in the tiny airport we figured they were either too drunk or too jetlagged. We rang Kate from a pay phone (our phones didn’t work) and it turns out they were both hungover and jetlagged and had been in bed since about 7pm. Fair enough. She told us they were at the Jailhouse Hostel which seemed appropriate since it reminded me of “Jailbreak” and Thin Lizzy always reminds me of Newtown. We asked the info desk how to get there and the guy at the desk told us how to catch the shuttle bus into the city. We were the only ones on the bus and the driver took us to the main square in Christchurch where the Cathedral is the main landmark. From there he told us to catch bus #7 which came about 5 minutes later and dropped us at the Jailhouse front door. All the NZ locals had been so hospitable, we were in a bit of shock since we’re so used to traveling to non-english speaking countries where the general population of locals is rude to us since we can’t understand a word they say to us and vice versa. It was a nice welcoming and NZ already had a comforting feeling about it.

The best part of the welcoming was seeing Kate waiting up for us at reception! She had gotten out of bed when we called to let us in since the front desk had closed up for the night. She showed us to the room she’d booked Mikey and I. We unloaded and then sat in the common room and caught up for a while about news back home and what we were up to in Sydney. after a while Kate needed to catch up on sleep and joined kelly in their room next to ours.

In the Morning the girls woke us up about 10am (they always got up first, the whole trip). Mikey and I paid the cheerful receptionist for our room, we all took dorky “jail” photos and set out for some breakfast.

We walked into the town center (about 20 min walk) and found a cute cafe called The Daily Grind with all day breakfast on weekends. The cafe was okay, but I don’t recommend it for vegans. My sandwich consisted of 2 plain pieced of multi grain bread (dry) with dry, pretty much raw veggies inside. It was so dumb. They did have a veggie burger but the chicks behind the counter didnt know what it was made of and i didnt feel like taking the vegan challenge.

After lounging in the cafe a while, we walked one of the few craft markets behind the Dux de Lux pub. We wanted to buy some presents for friends and fam but everything was pretty expensive (I was thinking on a unemployed pocket). So instead we decided to spend our cash on booze at the pub. We were the only ones in the pub (i guess we start early) but it was a lot of fun anyways. We played some pool and danced like nerds to the bowie and lou reed tunes on the jukebox. I had a samosa to make up for my shitty breakfast, we took pictures with a statue that reminded us of Legends of the Hidden Temple, laughed more often than we spoke (usually at something kate did or said) and then walked back towards the 1st cafe in search of somewhere else to annoy people. We tried to talk to a little-ish boy playing Star Wars on his trumpet, but he hated us or was too awkward and mid teen to hang.

We ended up walking back to the hostel the long way – it took about an hour and mikey was so pissed about it. After a few homemade drinks, we went out in search of “The Mexican Cafe”. The service was pretty rubbish, it took ages to get our food and the staff all seemed like they were straight out of “The Fast and the Furious” – too much hair gel and overly flutatious with eachother. The food was good once it came, but it is pretty hard to mess up a burrito. We ate til we were so full we could spew.

Next we decided to look for “The Media Club” which was having an Ian Curtis tribute show ( we read it in the free to do zine we’d found at the pub). Unfortunately, it was just a hall, like a VFW or something with a slide show of about 10 Joy Division photos on repeat, The Joy Division album on repeat, and a creepy goth/techno lights/fog machine joy division dance party in the next room. There were so many cape wearing, eyeliner vampires drinking beer and playing pool, I was nervous I’d catch the goth if I stood too close (been there, done that….I thought that was what highschool was for, no?) At least the night was only a gold coin donation entry and all the profits went towards suicide prevention, although that seemed ironic considering the “I hate life” crowd turn out…but who am I to judge. Maybe they were happy Marilyn Manson look alikes. We caught a cab home without even finishing our drinks and crashed out so we’d be ready for our next day’s adventure to Queenstown.

What is Bonnaroo?

Ι† Started with the dimming of Roo and her neon  blue eyes. While she walked the city streets to her job that she didn’t love but didn’t hate, she became increasingly aware of the monotony in her life. Everything felt mediocre. She was impartial about almost everything surrounding her; the city, her job, even her boyfriend. Her eyes began to fill with sorrow as she reluctantly admitted to herself that she was not the same sparkling girl she once took pride in being. At the same instance as this self confession, she noticed an alleyway that she had never seen before. It seemed strange considering she had walked the same route to work for almost a year now. Without hesitation she turned down the mysterious road, not particularly caring where it ended up, but curious to find out. What happened next is hard to say.

Roo was awakened by a sound that reminded her of blue coloured grass and black leather pants. A blender of electric guitars and banjos struck her like a tidal wave of noise. She stood up slowly, and tried to remember where she was, but all she could remember was the unfamiliar alleyway. Now, as she looked around her, she saw nothing but a huge grass field with hundreds of tents pitched upon it – a small village it seemed. Bewildered, she began walking towards the sound. Perhaps she’d find a clue as to her whereabouts.

After a short while Roo found herself in the midst of what seemed to be an unusual war. The people of this village were all playing music, but they were all playing at the same time. As Roo watched in amazement, she saw that there were three different armies, each in a different colored shirt – Red, Yellow, or Blue. Every army played a different type of music. It was ear-splitting! An absolute mess! She couldn’t take it any longer and her voice suddenly escaped her.

“STOP!”

The war silenced. No one had noticed Roo until now, but her voice took them by surprise. It was unlike anything they had ever heard. Every one in the village wanted her to join their side – sing with their music. She was the loveliest sound their ears had ever heard! The entire army of musicians started running towards her. Frightened, she turned to run, but fell into a river that had snuck up behind her.

The warmth of the water surprised Roo, and felt calming on her skin, but her attention was quickly drawn back to the armies, each one diving into the stream behind her – red, yellow, and blue swimming towards her. She began to panic. She started to swim away, but noticed that her skin had gone purple, then blue and soon enough she was every color mixed together. She was tie-dye! She turned back toward the village people and saw that the warmth of the stream had caused the colors on each of their t-shirts to run. They were all wearing tie-dyed shirts! The musicians froze, gazing at each other with a look of shock and embarrassment.

A giggle escaped Roo’s lips as she watched the reaction of these strangers in tie-dye. In a moment, everyone was laughing, the whole village was laughing. What a sight! All of their colors blended together making a beautiful mess of pinks and greens that they had never seen before. They all splashed around, in the rainbow stream, laughing and joking until their fingers were pruned and their voices lost. Roo found them ever so intriguing and harmless at this point.

The people lifted Roo out of the stream and placed her on a large wooden stage. I had been built for the conquering team to perform on once the war had ended. But no one had won, they had forgotten the war now, for it had been the first time this small village had ever looked past their differences and laughed with each other.

While Roo stood on the stage, over looking the rainbowed people, they began to play once again – each of them, their own style of music, only this time, it was dazzling! The musical celebration lasted for 4 days, everyone playing along with each other rather than against. Bongos played along with electric guitars and cellos with keyboards. They were exhausted by the end of the festivities – they had danced and jammed for so long that some of them couldn’t make it back to their tents and passed out under the stars.

When they awoke, it was one year later – the anniversary of the war’s end. So they began the celebration all over again. The people had finally found peace and Roo’s blue eyes glistened at the sight of her own little music filled nation – Bonnaroo. 

PMS

The Pete & Mikey show have apparently just found their 1st biggest fan. Its just so happens to be our friend corey and he has created a Pete & Mikey Show mascot:

        

curious as to what this PMS is all about? bored at work? well, download their show on The Pete & Mikey Show blog.

he was a (pop punk) skater boy

My current used to be in a pop punk band called Stuck on 1st. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. He has since converted to metal and classic rock and everything else, but hey, why not have a laugh at someone elses expense? Check out their MP3s here.

Takin’ it from the man…again.

My plan to avoid the working life has failed. It’s not that I’m lazy, but everything I like doing is unpaid. So now I’m in this office doing nothing and getting paid quite well for it. Perhaps this is my destiny, to sit in an office and be the smiley receptionist typing frantically at her computer even though she hasn’t been assigned any work. Maybe they think I’ve found some work to type up, but really I’m just ranting away. Hmm. No fooling? < you have to hear the way Frank Zappa says that to understand. So i guess it’s an inside joke with myself.

 Yesterday life after work was a ben stiller movie – dumb stressful crap kept happening on the way back to the burbs. Mikey and I took 2 wrong trains which means we took 4 all together. it just went down hill from there. things like losing the car keys and getting lost once in the car were all part of it. Luckily we had a nice dinner waiting for us back at home – we listened to some bob dylan records and had an early night.

Today I am moving into my friend’s studio apartment in Kings Cross. It will only be a 15 min walk to work rather than an hour on a stinky crowded train. So I can sleep longer and cuddle Minx, the fuzzy grey kitten that lives there. She always wears MC Hammer pants and always pees in the bath tub - it’s too cute. I think Jackie and Bill Conway would love Minx if they met her.

It is absolutely insane how little I do at this job. I have done about 20 min worth of work since 9am and it’s now 12:30. WHAT! They have to give me letter (pre-written) to type up, that’s really my only job as the Admin. Assistant here at Art Exhibitions Australia. So if they don’t give me anything, I don’t have anything to do. Oh and I also get to go for a 30 min walk every morning to the post office. Quite nice, really. It’s been beach weather ever since Monday when I started this job. Figures. I had a few cloudyish cool days until i start work, and magically it’s the hottest days of summer. Real funny, stupid atmosphere.

Does anyone else find it slightly unnerving that we sell and consume everything and anything? I was thinking about this when I cut through Circular Quay (where the opera house is) to the post office. There are always a group of Aboriginals with their religious face & body paint on. They play music and do traditional Aboriginal dances while the tourists watch and throw coins their way. The more I thought about it, it became a strange concept to me that those dances and songs meant something so different to them before Australia was westernized. They were what they celebrated with and believed in. They started as spiritual songs and dances and have ended as a theatrical money making act. I mean, good for them, making some cash, but in a society where we are all forced to work for a living they can either get a crap office job like mine, or hang out in the sun, entertaining tourists with things they used to believe in, or maybe still do. hm. I need to think about this more to come up with a concise decision on where i stand. right now I haven’t got much of an opinion.

Actually, as I sit here typing this thought out it all seems less strange to me. To put it in perspective, most performers are generally very passionate about their art, or at least believe in what they do quite strongly - so why not perform with religious and tradional dance and song? Any street preformer would probably say they believe what they are doing is an important form of art. Is there a fine line between art performance and exploiting religious beliefs in this specific situation? Hm. Anyways, I just found it an interesting thought. Enlighten me if you have an opinion on the matter. For now, Kirk Out. (my highschool art teacher, Kirk Paulson, signs all his emails like that. He’s the best dude ever).

Ween at The Enmore Theatre

My second but hopefully not final chance to see Ween perform live was this past Saturday, March 2nd. They really know how to put on one of the best rock shows ever. First of all,  they didn’t bother with an opening band. If I were a musician that played sold out shows, I wouldn’t put fans through an opening band either. Instead, the ledgends of goofy genius just played a 3 hour set that absolutely blew my mind. It makes so much more sense to do it that way. If there had been an opening act, I would have stood in the front row for about an hour waiting for ween to grace me with Rock and they would have had less time to play. This way i was granted my money’s worth and my time went unwasted.              

I dance for the entire 3 hours with out even stopping for a drink or a piss. They played songs mainly from my 2 favorite albums, The Mollusk and Chocolate & Cheese and the rest were from the newest album, La Cucaracha, which is almost as amazing as the other two. The jam sessions were exciting, not too long, and perfectly entertaining. Guitarist, Micky’s faces were hilarious as usual and they shredded the song “fluffy” for about 10 minutes leaving everyones mouths wide open, drooling over the talented insanity flooding the stage. I don’t think I looked away from the stage once. Okay, well maybe once when some stinky, drunk asshole moved in front of me and started screaming out requests, but security came to the rescue and removed him promptly enough. I have to say, Ween has got to be one of the best American bands still making music. Thankfully they’ve still got their wit and creativity or I might be temped to doubt the music scene along with other rock critics.

                                       

Another reason I am still optomistic for the future of music is because I have beautifully talented friends who make better music than most “muscians” who are played on any TV or any radio station. If you want proof of that, look out for tunes from Danly & Justin, Home Movies, Tim & Isabella and Guilty Faces. These guys and gals are just a few of the talented bunch and they all friends on the Berfest myspace. Check them all out.                          

Someday I’ll own a newspaper full of only good news

I found some dumb and comical articles in the Australian News today while I was frantically searching for a hilarious report about this family banned from McDonalds somewhere in Victoria. I couldn’t find anything about the piece on-line, but basically it went something like this: A family (need I say they’re on the larger side?) was banned from their local McDonald’s when they advised the girl at the drive through window that she had overcharged them 40 cents. The two customers in the car were a father son team. The son had once worked at that very McDonald’s, but had quit when he and the manager argued over his schedule.

So the father says, “Hey, sorry, but you over charged me 40 cents.” and the girl at the window must have gone to get the manager, probably because she couldn’t issue refunds or something stupid like that. So the manager takes a look into the car and sees the son whom he once had a minor disagreement with and mumbles something like, “oh no, not you again.” And then the chaos begins. An argument is born and the family is banned from the local Micky D’s.

The whole news report went on for about 10 minutes with clips of the father and son saying they were outraged that it had come this far and couldn’t believe they weren’t aloud back to their favorite restaurant.

 The best part of it all was a clip of the Mom driving into the same drive through with her trouble making son in the passenger seat. She tries to order some type of Big Mac nonsense and the employee says, “I’m sorry mam I cannot serve your family.” The mom was furious. “You’re not serving him! Just serve me!”

The dad couldn’t stop pointing out the fact that Mackers is a “family restaurant” and he can’t even take his family there. He was saying it in a tone that implied, “If a man can’t take his family to McDonald’s than where else? Where will they eat? What is this world coming to?”

Is there not another McDonald’s on the other side of town? Or a burger king? FYI, they are all the same. Fat turds.

So I failed to find an official version of my hilarious McDonald’s story, but I did find a few other dumb news clips on ABC. Check these out:

‘Girl’ at school was 39-year-old man

A Japanese man was arrested for trespassing this week after turning up at a high school dressed in a girl’s uniform and a long wig, local police said.

Thirty-nine-year-old Tetsunori Nanpei told police he had bought the uniform over the internet and put it on to take a stroll near the school in Saitama, north of Tokyo, on Wednesday, the daily Asahi Shimbun said.

When students standing outside the gates started to scream at the sight of him, he dashed inside the school grounds, hoping to blend in with the crowds of teenagers, the paper said.

They also screamed, forcing the man to flee, losing his wig in the process. A school clerk pursued him and stopped him at a nearby riverbank, the paper said.

Police confirmed the arrest of the man in school uniform and wig but declined to give further details. 

Who the fuck would think that would work? I want to meet this guy. Do you think it was Rad Rob?

All I could think of when I read this next article was that Michael Moore movie all about crime in America and how Canada is soooo safe. Granted this story is funny, drunk driving is not safe. C’mon Canada.

Drunk driver parks at police station

Posted Sat Feb 23, 2008 2:15am AEDT

Police in the western Canadian town of Wetaskiwin did not have to do much work when they arrested a drunk driver at the weekend – he had parked his car next to their offices and wandered inside.

Police discovered the man as they drove by early on Saturday morning to respond to an unrelated call.

Although the police office was locked, the lobby was open.

“There was a vehicle parked about 10 feet outside our front door. The gentleman had walked into the front lobby and he was displaying many indications of being intoxicated,” Constable Mark Scheck said.

“So at that point we did take him into custody … it’s pretty unusual.”

The 28-year-old man has been charged with impaired driving.

what an asshole.

check out the original site so you know i didn’t just make this up.

A weekend of tanning followed up by a game of cricket, mate

I have been in Sydney Australia for 1 week and 1 day. I spent the entire weekend happily, frying in the sun. Friday was spent lying on Bondi beach with Nicole and Saturday on Manly Harbor with a whole crew of hyperactive, drunk, Aussie boys. Grace and I had to keep our distance so we weren’t drown while our boyfriends and the rest of the crew did back flips into the ocean all day. We walked to a rock jump in the woods and after staling for about 10 minutes I finally jumped in, screaming the whole way down. It was just like the old days when we used to jump off the train tracks in Maine, or the “secret” rope swing in Leominster…or maybe it was a town near leominster… I can’t remember exactly.

Once the sun went down we walked across the street to Jono’s beach apt. and everyone has a few drinks before we decided to go to some shitty club near the manly boardwalk. I wish i could remember what it was called so I could tell you not to go there. Let’s just put it this way, the door man stamped our inner arms with an ink syringe with the bar’s name inside the syringe like it was being injected into our veins. It was pretty much saying, “Welcome to our club, do heroin.” I wouldn’t usually let that sort of thing get to me, but heroin is so far from funny that this was just tasteless. Anyways, Mikey and I didn’t drink enough to hang out in such a bummer of a club, so we left around 12 for Nicole’s place in Bondi.

Sunday morning came around and we took the bus to Bondi Junction to meet up with the family and see a cricket game. For some reason I thought it might be fun and agreed to go when Shaz and Nic asked me if I wanted their spare ticket. Once we got to the Stadium I knew I’d gotten into something I was going to regret.

It was about 100 degrees with out one cloud in the sky and our seats offered no shade what so ever. After about 10 minutes of my ass sticking to a plastic seat I was ready to run back to bondi beach and promise that I would never complain about the ass kicking I’d receive from the brutal, Aussie waves as long as I never had to see another cricket field in my life. It was only 2pm and Mikey quietly told me I’d have to wait for the game to finish at ten. TEN! TEN? I almost barfed. But I was with Mikey’s family, so I tried to act like I was enjoying myself to avoid seeming like a brat. I don’t think it worked.

I read the entire Sunday Herald and did the Suduko to keep my mind of the heat. I ate a lot of french fries and popsicles and watched the clock while one Indian girl behind me screamed OUT! every 2 minutes in the most piercing voice I’ve ever heard. I wanted to tell her to shut the hell up, but then I didn’t know if that was aloud at a cricket game, especially seeing as how we were sitting in the India section and the fans might retaliate. They were a rowdy bunch of sports fans with India flags painted on everything, their hats, faces, shirts. They has balloons and random photos of women and men that they would hold up while screaming something in Indian. The sun, the boring game, the crappy expensive food, and the screaming in my ear; it was all just too much to handle.

Clouds finally saved us from the sun’s overpowering heat around 8pm and we decided to leave around 9:30 before the game had even ended. I still have no idea if Australia or India won and I don’t care. Mikey and I drove to his dad’s for the night. I’ve never been so happy to see a day come to an end.

Monday I spent the day handing out resume’s to bars and shops n the city. Yesterday I met up with my old pal Lisa and caught up on life while basking at Bondi once again.

Tomorrow I have a trial shift at G Star Raw. It’s not a writing job, but a girls gotta pay the bills. I guess I’ll take what I can get for now.